A reflection by Maureen Russell

Today I met with a wonderful group of Health Care Assistant students from Capilano University. In preparation for the time together they sent me a list of questions, and I in turn considered the questions and what I might share. I shared with them a reflection written by Maureen Russell, a psychosocial care provider who lives and works in southern Ontario.
This reflection was inspired by a man whose experience with a Personal Support Worker helped him to trust, to open up, and prepared him to eventually be able to meet with Maureen in the last weeks of his life. Maureen was adamant, that without the work of the PSW the man never would have been able to open up with her and address some of the deeper issues that he carried.

Reflection—Undressed 

You entered, and my heart sank. Today would be the first day I would allow a stranger to bathe my broken body. 

How could I have come to this…this moment of unwanted dependency? 

I cringe with despair. A tear dares to sneak its way from beneath the mask of courage I so sheepishly hide behind. 

Who are you, Stranger? Who are you they send to enter my intimate space? 

Do you know ME? Do you know who I am? 

How do I let go into your hands, that which has only been felt by the gentleness of my mother’s touch oh so long ago? 

I shudder as you draw near. My decrepit body tenses and my stomach churns. I close my eyes and turn away, anticipating your cold and callous touch. 

I wait…I wait… 

Till broken is the air by your slow and soft voice…“This must be difficult for you. How can we best do this together?” 

How     can       we       best     do        this            together?  you asked…. 

Breath releases, body relaxes and my facade of courage slips.  Tears flow. I let go. And the waltz begins… 

In the weeks and months to come, we danced every day as you cleaned and cared for my declining body with the utmost respect and compassion. 

Within this place of “the intimate” that I so desperately feared had morphed a space of trust. I felt safe to wonder aloud with you…“How will I die?” “Have I mattered?” “How will I be remembered?” “What is the purpose of it all?”  

You quietly listened without judgement or a need to fix…For that, I thank you.  

And then, you offered me another partner, a counsellor, who could take these new steps and dance the dance of purpose and meaning with me. And because of you, I could accept her help.

I could let go of my masks and facades and bare my true self on my last waltz. 

Little did I know when you entered that being undressed would allow me to be naked.  

Deep gratitude to YOU who cared for my body and gave space for my spirit.   

Contributed by Maureen Russell 

Thank you Maureen for sharing this wonderful reflection with us!

How do you infuse love in your organization?

Several years ago I was inspired as I read writings from Stephen Post and Thomas Kitwood defining love in dementia care.

“Love within the context of dementia care includes comfort in the original sense of tenderness, closeness, the calming of anxiety and bonding.” (Kitwood, 2003)

“Altruistic love involves both a judgement of worth, and a related affirmative affection. Love is manifest in care, which is love in response to the other in need; it is manifest in compassion, which is love in response to the other in suffering; it is manifest in companionship, which is love attentively present with the other in ordinary moments.” (Post 2003)

As I reflected on their writings, I thought of my esteemed colleague Misha Butot – Fourteen years after graduating as a social worker, while working as a counsellor, educator and yoga teacher, she recognized that love was a theme in all of her work. As a masters student Misha approached people across Western Canada who were involved in social justice work. She asked them if love was relevant in their work and what love in professional practice looked like for them. Even though they were diverse in age, gender, work and focus, ten common themes emerged. Fourteen years later, I approached Misha and asked if we could revisit those themes and translate them into plain English.

As we worked on this “translation” we were inspired by the stories from the research participants, we reflected on our own lives and we wrote a personal commitment to love in our professional practice.

This year, as we consider the most important theme of cultural safety in health care, I am inspired by the thoughts of Dr. James Makokis, an indigenous physician, “Racism is hate. The opposite of hate is love.” and he asks, “How will you infuse love into your organization?”

Racism is hate. The opposite of hate is love.” and he asks, “How will you infuse love into your organization?

Dr James Makokis

In this month of February, as many celebrate Valentine’s Day, love and friendship, I invite you to consider:

What does love look like in your practice?

How do you infuse love into your organization?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.